Stupid, stupid, stupid!


I see some strange stuff while filtering through traffic on my way to work.  The Darwin Awards could get a few good candidates from these people.

Today’s ‘Stupid of the Day Award’ goes to the woman in the red Seat who was putting on her make up at traffic lights in Holywood.  When the lights changed and the traffic moved she continued putting the stuff on.  The road widens into a proper dual carriageway after Holywood, so the traffic (generally) does actually move for a mile or so at that point before it comes to the next blockage at Knocknagoney.  I followed for a bit and yes, even at 50mph she was still staring in the vanity mirror on her sunshield and dabbing stuff onto her face with an assortment of brushes.  If mobile phones are sufficiently distracting that they are banned, how many brain cells does it take to extend that concept to other things that require concentration?  If you are going to be in charge of a large lump of metal travelling at speed, there is only one thing that you should be thinking of and it isn’t makeup.  I don’t mind if she kills herself, but in traffic like this if she crashes she is very likely to hurt someone else as well.  Stupid is as stupid does.  Unfortunately she is far from the first woman I have seen face painting while driving.

Regrettably the fairer sex does not have a monopoly on stupid.  The all-time ‘Really Should Know Better Award’ is a bit belated, because it must be four years or so since I saw this guy, but if he would like to get in touch I will be happy to meet his somewhere to present his trophy in person.  Your suggestions on how the trophy might be presented, or which part of his anatomy might receive it would be greatly appreciated?

To the best of my knowledge Fire Service cars are not simply handed out to any idiot?  This one was white, had a ‘Fire’ sign on the roof, and probably came with flashing lights and a siren so that the uniformed officer in it could clear the road ahead to get to emergencies.   Logically, officers given them should then have sufficient experience and grade that they can be useful as first responders.  Why then was this guy driving along the Sydenham bypass in rush hour traffic while using an electric shaver?  Surely any fire officer must have attended their share of traffic accidents and seen their carnage potential?  Anyone who has used an electric shaver will know the facial contortions necessary to get a decent shave.  It is impossible that this guy could have been giving anywhere near full attention to his driving, and in his position, that is unforgivable; not that I would forgive any other idiot doing the same thing.

This roundup is by no means a comprehensive list of the stupid things that I have seen on my way to work.  Mobile phones are still prevalent, but I once saw a guy reading a full broad sheet newspaper!  That damned thing covered his entire steering wheel and a good proportion of his windscreen.  Then there were the kids playing chicken with the sparse night time traffic on a five lane wide section of the M2 motorway where it comes into Belfast.  I was blasting towards home on the R75 when suddenly something large flashed in front of me out of the shadows.  It was close, and looking after this darkly clothed piece of potential carrion showed a cheering group of his mates hiding between the crash barriers and behind the pillar of a large overhead sign to receive him.  That level of stupid takes some believing.
Despite this my ‘All time Stupid Award’ still goes to the X5 driving executive that I saw, again in rush hour on the Sydenham Bypass.  Coming from behind in near stationary traffic this mammoth Bavarian behemoth stood out even from a distance because it was veering randomly from side to side in its lane.  I approached cautiously.  The driver had a clipboard pinned to the steering wheel with the thumb of her left hand.  The other fingers of this hand were round the steering wheel.  She was attempting to write on the clipboard with a pen in her right hand, while holding a conversation with some obviously very important person on the mobile that was scrunched up between her right shoulder and her ear.  The conversation was pretty animated and the drivers head was down as much as possible towards the writing.  What small proportion of her attention was left to control her driving wasn’t working very well.  Needless to say, when the opportunity arose, I blasted past as quickly as I could.  It was safer in front of this idiot.  I wish I had a siren to scare her out of her reverie.
If you have other examples to add to this list, feel free to reply.

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