Christmas jokes 2022 - The usual disclaimer applies because you know what Christmas cracker jokes are like by now!!

 

How did Mary and Joseph get their groceries delivered when they were in the stable?  On a Lidl donkey!

How much did Santa pay for his sleigh? Nothing, it was on the house!

What did Mrs. Claus say to Santa when she saw this year's Christmas tree? You could spruce it up a little!

Where does Santa always stay when he goes on any vacation? At the ho-ho-ho-tel.

How did the reindeer know it was going to rain? Because Rudolph the red-knows-rain, deer!

What does Santa do when the reindeer drive too fast? Hold on for deer life.

Where would you find a snowman dancing? At a snowball!

What's the Grinch's least favorite band? The Who!

Why wouldn't Ebenezer Scrooge eat at the pasta restaurant? It cost a pretty penne!

Which one of Santa's reindeer has the best moves? Dancer!

How long are an elf's legs? Just long enough to reach the ground!

What's red, white, and green? Santa Claus when he's travel sick!

What did one cranberry say to another at Christmas? 'Tis the season to be jelly!

What athlete is warmest in winter? A long jumper!

What did Adam say on the day before Christmas? It's Christmas, Eve!

What song do you sing at a snowman's birthday party? Freeze a jolly good fellow!

Why doesn't Santa eat junk food? Because it's bad for your elf!

Who is never hungry at Christmas? The turkey — he’s always stuffed.

Why do Christmas trees like the past so much? Because the present's beneath them.

What do you call a kid who doesn't believe in Santa? A rebel without a Claus.

How does Santa take photos? With a Pole-aroid camera, of course.

Why doesn't Santa go to the hospital? He has private elf care.

What did the reindeer say before he went up to the comedy show to tell a joke? "This one's going to sleigh you."

What did the beaver say when it saw the Christmas tree? "Nice gnawing you."

Who is Santa's favorite singer? Elf-is Presley.

What diagnosis did the doctor give to the patient who kept eating Christmas decorations? Tinsel-itis.

How does Santa Claus keep track of every fireplace he has already visited? Well, he keeps a log.

What do you call someone who can't stop talking about last Christmas? Santa-mental!

What did one Christmas tree say to another? Lighten up!

What falls at the North Pole and never gets hurt? Snow!

Why are Christmas trees bad at sewing? Because they always drop their needles!

What do you get when you combine a Christmas tree with an iPad? A pineapple!

How do sheep wish each other happy holidays? "Merry Christmas to ewe."

What do you call a snowman with a six-pack? The abdominal snowman.

Why is a foot a good Christmas present? Because it makes a good stocking filler.

Why do Donner and Blitzen get to take so many coffee breaks? Because they are Santa's star bucks!

What's the most popular Christmas wine? "I don't like Brussels sprouts!"

How did the ornament get addicted to Christmas? He was hooked on trees his whole life.

What does Santa suffer from if he gets stuck in a chimney? Claustrophobia.

What's every parent's favorite Christmas Carol? Silent Night.

Why did Santa's helper see a therapist? Because he had low elf-esteem.

What do you call a bankrupt Santa? Saint Nickel-less.

Why does Santa always enter through the chimney? Because it soots him.

How is Christmas exactly like your job? You do all the work and some fat guy in a suit gets all the credit.

Did you hear that Santa knows karate? He has a black belt.

Why did Frosty's wife ask for a divorce? He was a total flake.

Why is it so cold at Christmas? Because it's in Decembrrrrrr.

What does the gingerbread man put on his bed? Cookie sheets!

What do you get when Santa becomes a detective? Santa CLUES!

Why did the turkey join the band? Because he had the drum sticks!

What do you call a reindeer who wears earmuffs? Anything you want because he can't hear you!

What do you get when you cross a snowman with a vampire? Frostbite!

What kind of photos do elves take? Elfies!

Why did Rudolph have a bad grade on his report card? Because he went down in history!

Why did the gingerbread man go to the doctor? He was feeling crummy.

What does an elf study in school? The elfabet.

What's the difference between the Christmas alphabet and the regular alphabet? The Christmas alphabet has Noel.

What do elves do after school? Their gnome work.

What do you call a greedy elf? Elfish.

Knock, knock! Who's there? Alaska. Alaska who? Alaska again. What do you want for Christmas?

Knock, knock! Who’s there? Chris. Chris who? Christmas is here!

Knock, knock! Who’s there? Snow. Snow who? Snow time to waste. It’s almost Christmas!

Knock, knock! Who's there? Donut. Donut who? Donut open 'til Christmas!

Knock, knock! Who's there? Ima. Ima who? Ima dreaming of a white Christmas...

Knock, knock! Who's there? Dexter. Dexter who? Dexter halls with boughs of holly...

Knock, knock! Who's there? Norway. Norway who? Norway am I kissing anyone under the mistletoe!

Knock, knock! Who's there? Elf. Elf who? Elf I knock again, will you let me in?

Knock, knock! Who's there? Murray. Murray who? Murray Christmas to all.

Knock, knock! Who's there? Doughnut. Doughnut who? Doughnut open until Christmas!

Knock, knock! Who's there? Luke. Luke who? Luke at all those presents!

Knock, knock! Who's there? Wayne. Wayne who? Wayne in a manger...

Knock, knock! Who's there? Oakham. Oakham who? Oakham all yea faithful...

Knock, knock! Who's there? Howard. Howard who? Howard you like to sing Christmas carols with me?

Knock, knock! Who's there? Honda. Honda who? Honda first day of Christmas, my true love sent to me...

Knock, knock! Who's there? Elf. Elf who? Elf me to wrap this present.

What nationality is Santa Claus? North Polish

Santa's elves are just a bunch of subordinate Clauses.

Which of Santa's reindeers needs to mind his manners the most? Rude-olph!

What kind of motorbike does Santa ride? A Holly Davidson!

If an athlete gets athlete's foot, what does an elf get? Mistle toe!

Why is it getting harder to buy Advent calendars? Their days are numbered!

What does Santa use to bake cakes? Elf-raising flour!

What happens to naughty elves? They get the sack!

What do you call an old snowman? A puddle!

Why does this turkey taste like an old sofa? I thought you liked stuffing!

When is a boat just like snow? When it's adrift!

How do snowmen get around? They ride an icicle!

How do you scare a snowman? With a hairdryer!

Why is everyone so thirsty at the North Pole? No well, no well!

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