What’s an Elf’s favourite type of music at Christmas?    Wrap. What do you call an obnoxious reindeer?  Rude-olph. What’s the difference between the Christmas alphabet and the ordinary alphabet?  The Christmas alphabet has Noel. Why does Santa go down the chimney?  Because it soots him. What do you call a broke Santa?  Saint Nickle-less How do you get your Christmas tree ready for a house party?   You spruce it up. Why are Christmas trees so fond of the past?  Because the presents beneath them. Why can’t Christmas trees knit?  They have too many needles. What music should you play to your Christmas tree to keep it healthy?  Spruce Springsteen. Knock, knock.  Who’s there?  Mary.  Mary who?  Mary Christmas. Knock, knock.  Who’s there?  Olive.  Olive who?  Olive Christmastime, don’t you? Knock, knock.  Who’s there?  Honda.  Honda who?  Honda t...

'Tis the season to cringe at all the bad Christmas cracker jokes (and there are a few of those included here!).  Lets get the only Irish joke in this selection in first.  As usual, I make no claim that these are in any way tasteful! Enjoy.  :-) _______________________________________________________   Knock Knock Who's there? Irish! Irish who? Irish you a happy Christmas ____ I went to the garden centre today and bought a Christmas tree. The assistant asked me, "Will you be putting that up yourself?" I replied, "No, you sick bugger. I'll be putting it up in my living room!" ____ A Marks and Spencer’s advert claims that it wouldn't be Christmas without M&S. They're right too. It'd be Chrita. ____ Nigella’s new Christmas recipe……..Cold Turkey Maybe not presented in the same giddy style but will keep Scotland Yard off her trail. ____ A couple were out Christmas shopping and the shopping centre was so packed...