It’s almost Christmas, so I thought I’d test your knowledge, (or your guessing ability perhaps?).   Below are some quotes from the books, poems or short stories of famous writers through the ages.   It’s probably too much to expect you to be able to guess which story these quotes come from, but have a guess about the authors without Googling these to see if you can recognise the style of the writing.   Some of them may surprize you.   The answers are further down the page.   1)        1)  I don’t mean to say that I know, of my own knowledge, what is particularly dead about a door nail.   I might have been inclined, myself, to regard a coffin nail as the deadest bit of ironmongery in the trade.   But the wisdom of our ancestors is in the simile; and my unhallowed hands shall not disturb it, or the country’s done.   2)        2)   There has been some talk latel...

  How did Mary and Joseph get their groceries delivered when they were in the stable?  On a Lidl donkey! How much did Santa pay for his sleigh? Nothing, it was on the house! What did Mrs. Claus say to Santa when she saw this year's Christmas tree? You could spruce it up a little! Where does Santa always stay when he goes on any vacation? At the ho-ho-ho-tel. How did the reindeer know it was going to rain? Because Rudolph the red-knows-rain, deer! What does Santa do when the reindeer drive too fast? Hold on for deer life. Where would you find a snowman dancing? At a snowball! What's the Grinch's least favorite band? The Who! Why wouldn't Ebenezer Scrooge eat at the pasta restaurant? It cost a pretty penne! Which one of Santa's reindeer has the best moves? Dancer! How long are an elf's legs? Just long enough to reach the ground! What's red, white, and green? Santa Claus when he's travel sick! What did one cranberry say to another at C...

Happy Christmas everyone.  See you next year. Answers:   Haddon Sundblom:   Sundblom is best remembered for his advertising work, specifically the Santa Claus advertisement.It was he who drew Santa Claus in a red suit during the twenties and he painted for The Coca-Cola Company starting in 1931. [1] [2] Sundblom's Claus firmly established the larger-than-life, grandfatherly Claus as a key figure in American Christmas imagery. So popular were Sundblom's images of Claus (Sundblom's images are used by Coca-Cola to this day) that Sundblom is often credited as having created the modern image of Santa Claus. [ The Greedies, originally The Greedy Bastards, formed as a part time band with members of Thin Lizzy and Sex Pistols combining with sometime members from Dublin act The Boomtown Rats and even one time Nucleus guitarist Chris Spedding dropping by for the odd gig. The idea was to play small gigs and get paid cash in hand so as to avoid paying tax, wh...

OK, this isn't particularly Irish, except that the Christmas season is in full swing here too, but what the hell. If you can answer all of these without having to resort to Google, you win this year’s star prize: A smug sense of Christmas superiority.  Answers will be posted here on Sunday. Enjoy.  ____________________   Who made Santa wear red?   Who were ‘The Greedies’?   Which singer has been on the most Christmas number one singles? What chance is there of a white Christmas (in the UK)? What Christmas carol was the first song ever broadcast? In which Christmas movie does ‘the Donald’ make an appearance? How much would you have to spend to match the most expensively dressed Christmas tree? Which Christmas movie was investigated as possible subversive by the FBI?

'Tis the season to cringe at all the bad Christmas cracker jokes (and there are a few of those included here!).  Lets get the only Irish joke in this selection in first.  As usual, I make no claim that these are in any way tasteful! Enjoy.  :-) _______________________________________________________   Knock Knock Who's there? Irish! Irish who? Irish you a happy Christmas ____ I went to the garden centre today and bought a Christmas tree. The assistant asked me, "Will you be putting that up yourself?" I replied, "No, you sick bugger. I'll be putting it up in my living room!" ____ A Marks and Spencer’s advert claims that it wouldn't be Christmas without M&S. They're right too. It'd be Chrita. ____ Nigella’s new Christmas recipe……..Cold Turkey Maybe not presented in the same giddy style but will keep Scotland Yard off her trail. ____ A couple were out Christmas shopping and the shopping centre was so packed...