How did Mary and Joseph get their groceries delivered when they were in the stable?  On a Lidl donkey! How much did Santa pay for his sleigh? Nothing, it was on the house! What did Mrs. Claus say to Santa when she saw this year's Christmas tree? You could spruce it up a little! Where does Santa always stay when he goes on any vacation? At the ho-ho-ho-tel. How did the reindeer know it was going to rain? Because Rudolph the red-knows-rain, deer! What does Santa do when the reindeer drive too fast? Hold on for deer life. Where would you find a snowman dancing? At a snowball! What's the Grinch's least favorite band? The Who! Why wouldn't Ebenezer Scrooge eat at the pasta restaurant? It cost a pretty penne! Which one of Santa's reindeer has the best moves? Dancer! How long are an elf's legs? Just long enough to reach the ground! What's red, white, and green? Santa Claus when he's travel sick! What did one cranberry say to another at C...

  What’s an Elf’s favourite type of music at Christmas?    Wrap. What do you call an obnoxious reindeer?  Rude-olph. What’s the difference between the Christmas alphabet and the ordinary alphabet?  The Christmas alphabet has Noel. Why does Santa go down the chimney?  Because it soots him. What do you call a broke Santa?  Saint Nickle-less How do you get your Christmas tree ready for a house party?   You spruce it up. Why are Christmas trees so fond of the past?  Because the presents beneath them. Why can’t Christmas trees knit?  They have too many needles. What music should you play to your Christmas tree to keep it healthy?  Spruce Springsteen. Knock, knock.  Who’s there?  Mary.  Mary who?  Mary Christmas. Knock, knock.  Who’s there?  Olive.  Olive who?  Olive Christmastime, don’t you? Knock, knock.  Who’s there?  Honda.  Honda who?  Honda t...

While there is a lot of trouble and sadness out there, Corona has at least brought out a lot of good jokes to counter this.  I'll post some here, and links to videos that I deem worthwhile.  Keep your eye on this post and I will update it from time to time when I get a chance.  These are unashamedly copied from elsewhere, but we all need this stuff. Keep smiling, and keep safe. Just heard that famous American actor John Travolta has been hospitalised with suspected corona virus. But doctors have now confirmed now that it’s only Saturday Night fever and have assured everyone that he’s staying alive. Apparently he had the chills and they were multiplying. _________ IT`S CONFIRMED !!! Fresh cow dung will stop COVID-19 spreading FAST. Dip hands in fresh cow dung before going out. This will ensure that:- (1) You will NOT touch your eyes,nose, ear or mouth. (2) No one will SHAKE hands. (3) No one will come NEAR you outside. (4)...

'Tis the season to cringe at all the bad Christmas cracker jokes (and there are a few of those included here!).  Lets get the only Irish joke in this selection in first.  As usual, I make no claim that these are in any way tasteful! Enjoy.  :-) _______________________________________________________   Knock Knock Who's there? Irish! Irish who? Irish you a happy Christmas ____ I went to the garden centre today and bought a Christmas tree. The assistant asked me, "Will you be putting that up yourself?" I replied, "No, you sick bugger. I'll be putting it up in my living room!" ____ A Marks and Spencer’s advert claims that it wouldn't be Christmas without M&S. They're right too. It'd be Chrita. ____ Nigella’s new Christmas recipe……..Cold Turkey Maybe not presented in the same giddy style but will keep Scotland Yard off her trail. ____ A couple were out Christmas shopping and the shopping centre was so packed...

Below are as many Irish jokes as I could rustle up.  Feel free to add more in the comments to this.  Enjoy. My mate Paddy just told me that he robbed a shop last night. "What did you get?" I asked. "26 pictures," he smiled, showing me. "The cheapest one is worth over £180,000." I said, "Paddy, these are from an estate agents." A spokesman at Ringsend sewage plant in Ireland has announced plans to extend its capacity. "By how much?”, asked the reporter. He replied, "Two turds." Paddy texts his wife... “Mary, I’m just having one more pint with the lads. If I’m not back in 20 minutes, read this message again.” One afternoon Paddy and Mick were having a pint at a pub across from a brothel. For the craic, they sat in the front so they could watch the comings and goings across the street. The two lads were shocked when a Presbyterian minister walked into the brothel. "Begod," says...